italian word of the day: spaccacazzi

Spaccacazzi, or in several related modulations as Rompicazzi, Stressacazzi, etc., generally refers to a person that annoys you. More specifically, the Spaccacazzi is distinguishable for his or her nagging persistence in stating, maybe to obtain, maybe just for the sake of talking, useless sentences, or, generally, sentences that go against your sense of what is fair for you to have to listen to.

As for many other words, the applicability of Spaccacazzi is extremely flexible. A person that is a Spaccacazzi today, need not to be tomorrow, although there seems to be some evidence that once spaccacazzi, always spaccacazzi. The main feature, however, is the combined presence of (a) the person being serious/obsessed with a topic that you find irrelavant and (b) a certain mood in you, that makes you particularly intolerant to the topics that the Spaccacazzi is anxious about. 

For a practical example, suppose you are working in your office, and one of your officemates keeps showing up/ sending emails to nag you about the importance of strating a group culture within the coworkers. Or about the importance of being unite in making complaints about the increase in the coffee price. If you are trying to work, the officemate in question is a Spaccacazzi.

There is no sex bias within the group of Spaccacazzi. However, unless extreme circumstances, your parents and your spouse are mostly not Spaccacazzi.

NB. Different from the Spacca- is the Cagacazzi, who is instead a particularly posh person .

italian word of the day: “sbatti”

now, this is advanced. “sbatti” is an italian verb with a precise tense and meaning, but is quite commonly used as a noun with a totally different meaning. this habit, of stretching the language far away from the Foreigners’ ability to understand it, is a characterising trait of the Italian, who, by nature, tends to confound, blur and deny the evidence. 

in its original meaning, “sbatti” means “beat!” or ” hit!”, being the imperative of the corresponding verbs. nevertheless, it is by and large more frequent to hear it as referring to some circumstance or activity that is perceived as annoying, lenghty or intellectually painful (i.e. paying a bill). to provide an example, the sentence “ho da fare un paio di sbatti” means “i have to sort out a couple of boring/harassing/irritating things”. Another widely used locution is “che sbatti!” which is a slightly more elaborated alternative of “che palle” or, sometimes, of a vexated “ma dai”. 

the contrary of a sbatti is a “figata”. which instead characterises an activity that is (perceived as) pleasant, entrataining or amenable. Common senteces are “che figata!” that is “how lovely” and a straightforward “figo!”, that has also the meaning of “cool!”. 

it should be noted, though, that none of the two words, sbatti and figata, are not particularly appropriated for formal social situations, and that their use should be limited to “street” interactions.

italian word of the day: test

Seemingly an English word, “test” in Italy takes a totally different meaning, especially during summer: a “test” takes the only meaning of “personality test”, “ti faccio un test” (i will get you a personality test) is the aka with which women attack their partners under the beach umbrella, particurarly when they are on the very verge of falling asleep.

the “test” is usually  a collection of 10 to 15 multiple choice questions, that promise to be the insight you need on your character. “tests” with more than 20 questions are universally considered uncontrovertibly scientific, test with less than 8 are conclusive proofs about one’s character only if they come up with niceties about the reader.

a very telling example of the discerning power of a “test” is well explained by the following example:

test name: WHAT KIND OF LOVER ARE YOU?

Question sample: how would you imagine your first time making love?

(a) with the man of your life, in a chalet lost in the snow, with the firework and soft music.

(b) with a beautiful stranger, in an elevator, before a business meeting

(c) making love? what is that?

RELATED EXPLANATION: you chose

(a) : THE ROMANTIC

(b) : THE RULE_BREAKER!

(c) : THE LOVELY HAIRHEAD

as you may notice, the insight that a test gives you are of unquestionaly illuminating validity. the most professional trait charactersing it is that by picking an option you would never, ever guess what character you are going to come up.

As we mentioned before, tests are mostly appealing to women, who never lack to submit them to their male partners. this behavior carries a subtle action-reaction intention: i do it to you, then you do it to me.

indeed, it is not unlikely to spot some men patiently ticking the answers of their female companions, waiting to confirm to them that they are indeed romantic, fresh and happy, lovely, etc.

some men, in a moment that alcoholics would refer to as a “moment of clarity”, observed thet tests never say that you are moody, brainless, as interesting as a snail, smelly. but for that, you have your partner, and you don’t even have to pay to a copy!

italian word of the day: “ceretta”

uh la la. “ceretta” is the italian word for wax. during summer, the Italian is caught in a ceretta frenzy. legs, eyebrows, bikini, arms: everything should go. in the Parliament, someone suggested that to inject new capital in the tired italian economy it could be possible to think about setting up a state-owned firm of fine italian tepistry, with all those shiny black hairs that are continously stripped, tweaked, cut. 

both men and women undergo “ceretta”. women are not such an interesting topic, sharing this habit with most of the Foreigner females, but men, oh, men are indeed fascinating.

usually the Italian man that waxes is around his 30s. before that, the -perceived- excess hair is dealt with by means of the Razor. this inconsiderate use causes the awful-to-look-at problem of the ingrown hair. so it takes a considerable amount of self-control to actually book an appointment in a beauty saloon. 

once in the saloon, the Italian man is at the mercy of the estetician. female. so she starts waxing the back and the chest, as the customer asks. but only after having done that, she reckons with the Italian man that the overall effect is distressing: chest and back smooth as a peach, and arms as hairy as a gorilla. not that she did not know in advance: a little price that men have to pay for centuries of dominance. after few minutes of thoughful considerations on what to be done next, here they start again: waxing, stripping, tweaking. 

after al this pain, here he comes in his full glory: the 30-or-so years old Italian with the skin as smooth as a baby’s butt.

italian word of the day: “comunista” and “complotto”

“comunista” is the italian word for “supporter of the communist party”. technically, it can also be used as an adjective, as in the case of “communist economy”,or  ”communist sharing rule”. 

regardless the original neutrality of the word,lately it has been used by the vast majority of the Italian population (the “berlusconiani”) to spitefully refer to those public figures that in the pursuit of their jobs and activities do not suit the profound needs and whimsical desires of our President.

for instance, judges that stubbornly refuse to understand that money laundering is almost always interpretable as a mistake from the youth are “comunisti”. the same goes for those that are so short sighted not to reckon that real estate speculation is speculation just because the law is ill-defined.

other extraordinary examples of “comunisti”  can be found among those who work in the press, journalists and tv presenters. one may recognize them by the language they use: rather than speaking about tax elusion, they refer to tax evasion, rather than speaking about valorisation of the women, they mention machism and harassment.

a vast majority of the Italian population (or alternatively, the “berlusconiani”) call all the above-mentioned evil communist activites “complotto”: “comunisti” typically “complottano” (conspire). so for this reason, when some judges undertake some research that rudely digs in above-any-suspect citizens‘ past, that is a “complotto”. foreingers have better not to mention that if one is innocent he should not fear any investigation: that is a typical example of what a “comunista”would say: just outfashioned common sense! think instead about the inner pain and shattered emotion that the above-any-suspect citizen undergoes when the Comunisti attack him so brutely, so constantly. he could call himself almost a martyr! 

from a foreigner’s point of view, there is not a single comunista around, down in Italy. but again, he has better not to mention that: otherwise…comunista!

 

italian word of the day: trancio di pizza

the most italian amongst italian words, pizza is a lifestyle that streches from glam restaurants to shabby take away places. you have pizza for dinner, while at lunchtime is more common to get simply a trancio (slice) di pizza.

sliced pizza is conceptually different from pizza, and is usually sold in takeaway-only places, strategically located close to elementary schools, high schools, universities and justice courts. the management tends to be strictly family based: the pater familias, dark-haired, dark-skinned, greasy and eternally stuck in the limbo of his forties, cooks the pizzas and slices them. the wife, short, mustache-endowed, big breasted, serves the customers and attend the cash desk. finally, the emaciated daugther wanders around, gently taking care of the estetics of the pizzas by sticking her fingers on them.

the piazzas themselves differ slightly from the typical pizza that you have for dinner. vaguely reminding of the junk-food downtown Amsterdam, these pizzas are big and thick. the varieties are limited, and the supply follows the demand in a totally elastic way, in the sense that a new unit of a given variety of pizza is produced only when the former unit is completely sold. the golden rule of the pizza al trancio precribes to serve the following varieties* : pizza margherita, pizza al prosciutto e patate, pizza al salamino. the rule also recommends to have each pizza sliced in exactly six parts.

a wide range of customers floats in these places between 12:00 and 14:00. the inflow increases with the arrival of the good season. students nevertheless do not follow a seasonal pattern. the trancio di pizza is eaten with the hands in no more than 5 minutes. as in any business involving italians, there is evidence of strong favoritism towards certain customers rather than others. inside information about the baking time of new pizzas or on-request baking of special varieties is well documented nation-wide. the Foreigner therefore has no other options than to accept the delay with which he will be served, and the voluntary unfortunate smallness of his trancio. all minor details, considering that if he will disregard the trancio and go straight for a real pizza sittinng at a table at lunchtime, he will be totally ripped off. and in any case, anyone knows that real pizza tastes better at night.

*allowing for small regional variations

italian word of the day: vacanza con gli amici

“vacanza” is the italian word for holiday. there are several kinds of vancanza: the “vacanza con gli amici“, the holidays with friends, the “vacanza con il moroso“, the holiday with the boyfriend, and the “vacanza con la famiglia“, the family holiday. each of them bears typical and unmistakable characteristics. chronologically speaking, the holiday with the parents is all over: it comes like the summer: every year. the holiday with friends starts at an early age, and is more discountinous. the holiday with the boyfriend is sporadic.

The first vacanza con gli amici takes place around age 8-10 for all kids, and usually comes in the form of an organized weekly or monthly package including housing, food and some sort of kids’ care taking. the kids are parents-less for the first time, and find it very exciting to engage in outrageously boring activities, such as rudimental forms of tennis, football or handball, hyde and seek, and 1.0.1 hiking. the holidays takes place in some countryside forgotten by God, humans and cars, whose unique traffic light enjoys its highlight of the year exactly when a massive amount of vehicles clogs the tiny streets in the attempt of reaching the treffen-punkt on time to deliver the alternately crying-giggling-overtalkative kid.  during the holidays, no sentimental and no sexual experience takes place, (Italy is not Sweden, in the end). the typical figure, though, is not the overexcited kid, but the crew of under-excited late teens that to fetch up some money volunteered to take care of the kids. among them you would find higly demotivated, tall, slender and pimply heavy metal lover guys, plump and sweaty, over size breasted girls, and maybe some normal people as well. now, if they experience some sentimental or sexual experience is another matter (yes they do!!).

later in life, kids grow up and when they are teens, the vacanza con gli amici becomes more conform to european standards. first guys go with other male friends, maybe hire a little flat at the Riviera, leaving it dirty with since-last-sunday uncleaned dishes and broken and unfulfilled sexual adventures. then the mixed sex holidays take place: not really specatural, once left aside the epical fight for who should clean up the mess and who used whose razor.

italian word of the day: a dopo

“a dopo” is the italian word for “(see you) later”.

as opposed as the Foreigner, when the Italian says a dopo, he does not mean it.

it goes without saying that when the Italian leaves the office, a pub or wherever he is with his friends, his “a dopo” does not imply that he will ever come back. quite possibly, in fact, he does not even remotely plan to come back. this usually causes social numbness in the group. the most sensitive persons, frequently the females, get nervous and worried. some Foreigners feel mocked.

more controversial is the case where the Italian actually takes part in programming a group activity for the future, where “future” spans the short run (tonight) to the long run (tomorrow). in that occasion, it is not infrequent that after having actively suggested options, convinced the others to do something that he preferred rather than something else, amazed everyone by explaining how they all must have done that very thing together and once left the gruop with a reassuring A dopo, he simply won’t show up. obviously, this cute habit poses not few difficulties for the Italian to mingle with the Foreigner. maybe shockingly, among Italians mismatches of this sort don’t take place: it seems that even when the Italians organize something in a group, each reasons as if he was to do that alone.

several reasons have been suggested for explaining this well-documented behavior. the soundest one is rooted in the historical carelessness of the Italian for the Other: maybe illuminating on this, an ancient proverb from Tuscany: If you see your neighbour’s house on fire, bring the water to yours.

italian word of the day: cappuccino

any reader will have a, at least vague, idea of what a “cappuccino” is. nonetheless, i happened to incur a great deal of myths, paradoxical beliefs, and compulsive misbehaviours when it comes to it. so this is how we do cappuccino in italy.

-you do not drink a cappuccino afer lunch. seriously, how can you be willing to gulp a cup of warm milk and cream after a whole lunch (and even pay for that!)? anyway, you may have this exception: if it is working day, you have had no or little breakfast, you have a chance to get something to eat around 11.30 or 12 (which is NOT lunchtime) you may be willing to have a croissant (brioche) with cappuccino. this habit has been historically mistaken for soft evidence that Italians do indeed have cappuccino for lunch. unfortunately, occasional visitors, especially from the nordic area, did not put their observation in the perspective of the italian biological clock: 11:30-12:30 is late breakfast time, by no means lunchtime.

-there is no golden rule for how to make a cappuccino. foreigners have come to belive that there is an accurate procedure to make the perfect one. this allegedly truly italian recipe consists, with variations that depends on the foreigner one speaks with, in 50% milk, 30%coffee, 20%cream, or alternatives based on these guidelines. there are rumours that the real italian baristi have secretly developed clear directions to encompasse the timing as well: something as esoteric as “first the coffee, then the milk, then the cream”. now a part from the fact that these rules are rules for socially impaired people (who would ever start the cappussino by putting the cream first?!), they are so not italian. if there is one golden rule, is that there are no rules. the variance in the quality of cappuccinos in italy may thus be higher, but when it s high quality, you really have a cappuccino a regola d’arte.

-you don t want to drink cappuccino after dinner: otherwise, what would alcohol exist for?

-suggestions for a sweet cappuccino: if you want to put sugar in your cappuccino, cheat on your true nationality and make the others believe you are italian by acting as follows. take two bag of sugar: the firts, drop it vertically, so that the flow pierces the cream and gets in the cappuccino. the second, sprinkle it on the cream with circular motion.

- frappaccino, marocchiono, espressino, etc.: beware!

if you happen to drop by stockholm, enjoy a good cappuccino at www.sosta.se

italian word of the day: interista

interista is the italian word for the supporter of Inter, and much more. Inter in itself is more than a football team, but rather the patron entity of all hopeless people, ranging from the good-natured but unlucky guy to the little mafioso* that is eternally penniless for his gambling attitudes. to gain this saint-like aurea,  Inter has patiently lost the scudetto for more than 15 years in the most spectacularly dull ways, bravely carrying the burden of providing a harbour for all dispirited people.

the Interista, therefore, shores to Inter like a ship shattered by life. he has suffered enough in a world where everyone seems to win, but him. you may still find a trace of his sad, sad bygones in the way he watched a match: standing still, looking down, fingers folded and nervously tipping the hand’s back, the Interista forecasts the derision and taunt that he has to undergo during the damn 90 minutes of any given Sunday. lately, this first, quiet generation of Intersti has been partially invaded by more critical subjects, that is, more aggressive people, that gutter their frustations in violent and stupidly presumptuous misbehaviours. this appears to be connected to the presence of slimy Mr. Ibrahimovic, but qualified observers do not dare to speak of something more than sheer correlation.

today, and for the second year in a row, Inter has won the scudetto. you cannot figure the sadness and disappointment of the Interesti: the quiet ones feel like they have lost a companion in the bad times, and the rough ones feel like they have lost another good reason to pick up a fight.

dear reader, if you have a kind heart, please gather a minute for the sorrow and grief of these unlucky people, that today have lost their refuge and comfort.

 

mafioso*: typical figure in the italian society, either funny or pathetic, usually involved in illegal but innocous trades (cannabis, gambling, n.th hand subletting, etc.)